I gave a lesson in relief society about baptism and being reborn. I think that is one of my favorite aspects of baptism. We can be cleansed with pure water and be reborn. How many times in my life I have wanted to jump in a lake or stream and come out reborn. A fresh blank piece of paper. Starting new and at square one. The problem is that I am realising that the process of being reborn is a little more complex then just being submerged under water and being cleaned up and wiped clear of all our imperfections.
We come into this world as little sponges, sucking up everything we can get close to. How many times have we despised something our parent say or do, yet we find ourselves saying or doing that exact same thing. We mimic those around us and learn how to be humans from those close around us. That would be primarily our parents or care givers. Our parents , in good intentions, raise us up to be the best adults we can be. As hard as they try, they make mistakes. Some would even say their parents have screwed them up for life. Whatever ones case may be, we are all defected. We all have faults and have chips and cracks all over us from bumps and falls along life's bumpy and windy roads.
I find myself right now on a road that does not look familiar to me. I have never been on this road before in my life. I find myself lost, frightened and with no reflection to remind myself of who I am. There are no mirrors to look at and no one to tell me who I am. Along the way I see people in near by villages . One of these villages is a cute little village set up along the sea shore. I stop for awhile and look into their life's . Some people have beautiful bodies, beautiful homes and beautiful families. They live by the nature of water. They flow in and out of life gracefully. Things seem to come easily to them. They embody feminine beauty and sexuality from the waters. It would seem like they have it all on the outside. I want to stay but I am afraid. I am afraid of not being beautiful enough and am not sure how to embody their feminine beauty.
Along my way down this road I find a group of travelers. Their clothing is humble, their back packs are full of items they have picked up along their way. They can tell me of adventures they have taken, people they have met and the new talents they have learned along the way. They belong to mother earth and the universe is their guide. They follow the wind and are not earth people. I long to follow them but cannot. My fear of the unknown is too great.
I find gardeners along the way that feed me with their food and knowledge of the earth. They collect herbs and know of their healing benefits. I long to stay and play in the earth and learn from the earth people but cannot. I am afraid of her creatures and don't know how to get dirty. I don't know how to plant myself and stay rooted in one place.
I keep going and night falls upon me. Along the way I see a fire through the trees. It is the fire dancers. These are women with long wild hair and art graven into their skin. They live in the trees during the day and dance in fire during the night. They sing of passion and dance with love. They are wild and unstoppable. Their gift is healing with fire and moving fire within all of us. They are cast out from the towns and cities because of how intense they can be. They live in passion. I want to stay and learn of their ways but I cannot. I am too afraid of burning myself and opening the passion in me.
I continue my travels. Miles down the road, I find myself in a barren desert. There is no water, no wind, nothing that fire can burn and the earth is dry and barren. I fall to the earth in exhaustion. Where am I. How did I get here. There is not a soul in sight. I have lost my way and do not know where to go. I am all alone in this world.
Where do I belong. I am not a water women, I am not a wind child, I am not an earth elder and I am not a fire dancer. Who am I? Where do I belong? Is this world my world? Do I belong here?
I was born to the sun keeper and sent to my earth mother. I was meant to be an earth priestess but I lost my way. I forgot who my earth mother is and was afraid to look at the sun. How do I find my earth mother again. How do I become my mothers earth child when I cannot find my mother earth? She is all around me, yet I cannot see or feel her? Did she leave me or did I leave her?
As I lay on the desert floor, I feel despair, fear and abandoned. I have given up finding my earth mother. I don't belong to these people. I can feel my body and spirit drying up like the desert floor and I can feel myself seeping into the earths soil. I am ready to give up my spirit and release my body. I am done. I can take no more.
As I feel the world around me turn to blackness I feel a cool wet drop on my face. Tears stream down my face. The tears keep coming. The tears run down my face and soak into the soil beneath me. I lift my eyes open and look into the sky. She has found me. My mother found me. She had been watching over me the whole time. In desperation she tried communicating to me but I had been blind until the moment of almost loosing me broke her heart and the sky broke loose with her tears. The tears running down my face were her tears for me.
I have found my mother and have been reborn, immersed in her tears of love for me. I am a daughter of the water, I am a child of the wind, I am an earth elder and I am a fire dancer. I am an earth daughter. I am my mother earths daughter. She will never forget or abandon me. She is all around me in the soil, in the plants and herbs, she is in the wind that cools my skin in the sun, she is in the water that quenches my thirst, she is the fire that keeps me warm at night and she is in the rain, That cleanses me and gives birth to my spirit and soul.
I am an earth daughter of the divine mother.