The "new" beginning

Well it’s been about 2 months since I came back from the tree of life and this is the somewhat drear update. I came back 25 healthy pounds lighter, clearer skin, happier, energized, spiritually awake and feeling great. It took me a measly 2 weeks to get back into unhealthy patterns. Now 2 months later, I’ve gained back 15 of the 25 pounds, my acne is worse than it was before and I’m falling back asleep. Yay me!! Ugggggg.
The positive news is that I saved myself for 10 days and went out to California for a class that Elena Tonetti-Vladimirova gave . She’s the maker of the film Birth as we know it. It’s an amazing film I recommend for anyone and everyone. It will truly alter your thoughts and expectations of birth and will change your life. I could go on and on about it but I will write more about the film later. The course Elena gave was an amazing experience and once again my true self bloomed. I felt inspired and on fire, wanting to do a hundred things at once. Sadly I came back to St. George only to fall asleep again (I really need to rid myself of this spiritual narcolepsy I seem to love).
Enough with the sadness depression and excuses!! I refuse to be a sleeping beauty any more. I want to enravish the beauty inside me and hide it no longer! It’s time to discard the scared weakness with no back bone and become empowered!! So here it goes. I’m going to list my aspirations and update at least once a week my progress. The New Year’s resolution thing starts now, even though it’s technically march.
1. I will start my path to become a mid wife this year. No more excuses of I have no money, I’m not good enough, and I don’t have any experience with birth on a personal level. I’m done with all that. The best time to start is now. While I’m young and have a clean slate. Nothing to hold me back.
2. I will be 90% raw and mostly vegan and organic. What was the point of 3 months training to become a raw chef and instructor if I don’t ever use it? Again no more excuses of I’m not good enough. It’s complete crap I feed myself.
3. I’m going to start running again and making yoga and meditation a part of my life. What’s the point of eating healthy if you’re not feeding your spirit and utilizing your energy? There’s nothing like a good work out to distress and feel good.
4. I want to become one with nature. Start camping, hiking, sleeping out under the stars and just start loving mother earth again. You’re nothing without a mother right? She gives you your body after all. Why not have a good relationship with her too.
5. Start healing my emotional crap and start throwing the baggage away. We all hold onto an amazing amount of emotional hurt and grief. It’s amazing that we all survive and function to the point that we do. It has done wonders for me so far and I just started. Why stop now?

So the next part is how do I complete all this? Where do I start?
1. Look into becoming an apprentice for a current midwife, do my home work, look into schools, prices, deadlines and look into where I want to go with it.
2. Buy a dehydrator. What is a raw foodist without their blender and dehydrator?, Stop eating out, find another out for my stress rather than taking it out on food, start practicing what I learned, share with others.
3. Well start running. Get off my lazy but, put on some running shoes and run!!
4. I love camping, sleeping, I walk every day so this shouldn’t be too hard, right?........
5. Start getting connected to other healers and throw myself whole heartedly into it.
I’m giving myself to the universe. I’m completely giving myself to her caring gentle hands. She’s our mother and wants only the best for her children. You can never go wrong in her arms. Just trust and let go. Lastly pray. Just keep praying and allowing love from father and mother, allowing myself to feel love from them.
Please just don’t give up on me. I’m not ready to give up. I won’t give up!!